Human Nature

Most mothers find that the most irksome aspect of parenting is not the cleaning up of their offspring’s multitude of messes, but in the lack of gratitude that they receive for doing so. Most would gladly double their workload if it meant even an occasional “thank you” from their children. OK, that was an exaggeration; I’m being told the actual figure is closer to “A 20% increase, at most”. But the point is that mothers are woefully underappreciated these days. And for no mother is this truer than Mother Nature herself. For, as much as people appreciate the breathtaking majesty of her creation, woefully few appreciate the tremendous effort that goes into keeping it maintained.

Most think of nature as a thing that “just happens”. The cycles of day and night, weather and climate, life and death, the heavens and Earth, all run on some kind of cosmic clockwork, wound up eons ago and kept in perpetual motion. They think this, despite knowing it impossible; they understand perpetual motion to be a myth, as there is nothing in this universe which does not fall prey to some manner of friction. Mother Nature and her countless helpers, like myself, tirelessly work to combat this friction. We work primarily through water, which is why it does so many things that, scientifically speaking, it shouldn’t. Like clouds, for instance. Though some erroneously believe them to be made of water vapor, they’re actually made of liquid water or ice, which is denser than air. So how do they stay afloat? It’s simple: we hold them there. And you know how glaciers move around a bit each year? That’s me. I do that. I’m the guy who pushes the glaciers. You might think it’d be hard to get them to move, since they’re so big, but the real challenge is actually getting them to stop. As any high school physics teacher will tell you, ice is frictionless. And yeah, I know I just finished talking about how everything experiences friction, but water’s a special case. Nature kind of jerry-rigged its properties to make life possible, which is why it exhibits some behaviors that aren’t exactly chemically legal, such as expanding when it freezes.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because I’m concerned. It seems that, recently, the ungratefulness of humans has evolved into open hostility, as you invade the land once belonging to nature and infect the land, seas, and sky with your pollution. Maybe this is just some rebellious teen phase that you’ll grow out of, but I suggest that you do so quickly. Mother nature is not herself lately. Her hair has begun to grey, and she’s developed a cough unmistakably similar to that of a lifelong smoker. So I implore that you reconsider mankind’s actions, for your own sake, if not for hers.


Author: havocmantis

I am Havoc Mantis, Skullmaster (like a headmaster but spookier) of The School of Havoc. I am a scholar of mathematics, mysticism, and memes, as well as the intersection of all three.

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